Emotions are central to my understanding of the therapeutic process. So much of the work we do together in therapy has to do with noticing, experiencing, and releasing our emotions. I often use the analogy of sitting on the bank of a river and noticing the passing of barges navigating the river.
Ideally, we sit at the bank and notice them coming, we experience them with greater clarity as they approach and move closer to us, and then we see them pass on and disappear. I make the association that the barges are our emotions, and we notice them growing within our physical bodies, we experience them at their peak, and then they normally resolve as we release them with our breath.
However, most of us do not experience our emotions in such idyllic way. Staying with the analogy, we often find ourselves on the bank of the river and see the emotional barge coming in our direction. We get hyper focused on it and try to either change it or avoid it. Due to our increased focus we end up jumping on the barge and are overwhelmed and taken away by our emotions. Only to notice another barge coming down the river, and we jump on it. We keep on doing this, jumping from barge to barge without ever experiencing the resolution and release of our emotions. Consequently feeling (cognitive interpretation of emotions) overwhelmed and stuck, with the emotion(s) in question not getting resolved.
Emotional processing (noticing, experiencing, and releasing) therefore is key for psychological healing and wellness. In order to experience this healing and wellness, we often need to “change emotion with emotion” (Les Greenberg). So how do we do that?
First, we need to emote. We need to sustainably engage with the emotions we might be fighting or avoiding. It usually involves recalling the experiences that shaped our physiological responses leading to such emotion. This often means to reconnect with our body and seek out “core” or emotions underneath emotions. For example, underneath anger we often find fear. Underneath fear we often find hurt and then sadness. You get the point.
Second, we (together) observe the dissonance between what we are feeling and the current state of reality. I might feel a deep sense of fear, but the current state of reality is that I’m safe. We need to experience this dissonance beyond our cognitive logical selves, we need to physiologically experience safety, which often requires a safe environment. It is the role of the therapist here to provide a safe experience for experiencing emotions that have been overwhelming and potentially avoided in the past.
Third, in relational safety we experience a new self. This new experience allows for us to re-imagine ourselves with a sense of freedom from physical and psychological danger. Here we are finally able to experience emotional release.
Forth, we experience a resolution of our physiological emotions. The environmental and internal events that trigger our emotions, and the emotions themselves don’t produce the same level of reactivity (fight/flight) in us. We notice, experience, and release our emotions from the bank of the river.
This is what processing emotions is all about. This is a non-linear process that is messy and complex. I like to think of it as organic, and not mechanical. It requires nurture and openness and it takes time. However, it is possibly one of the most psychologically liberating processes we can experience.
Dr. Ribeiro
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